My hubby has told me a few times already that a very close friend has complained over instant messaging that we do not seem to care about his children. We live close by, so he was saying that we were not visiting them and playing with his children. He accused me of not caring about his older child, and now his younger one, because I do not go see them everyday given that we are practically next door.
First of all, I understand that he was stressed out having to take care of his young children. Sleep depravation really is hazardous to your health. Second of all, he does not even know how I am. How involved I get with children. If he ever dare to say out to my face, I will at least give him this speech below:
How dare you assume that I do not care about your children, or any children for that matter, especially those of family and close friends. If anything, I care too much and I have to stay away sometimes.
Every time I spent time with his older little boy, I lose a little sleep that night. I replay every moment of interaction, my observations of his reactions and my own actions towards him. I evaluate whether I seas doing the right thing, setting the right example, or modeling correct behaviors. I think about what I did wrong or what I could have done differently to male sure his needs are meet without spoiling him. I wake up in the middle of the night replaying these scenes.
Then, as I remember our interaction, I remember how he came up to me, sit with me or lean on me. How he came up to me when he is distressed, needing a little hug. And how that pulls at my heart’s strings. Being that he is not my child, it is difficult for me to get attached and have to let him go. Ultimately, his love and loyalty goes to his parents first and foremost. This is why I said that I had to stay away. Children pulls at my heart too much for me to get too close. My heart physically hurt at moments when I knew he really needed me for comfort. This is how much I care.
However, I am not the parent and I do not want to overstep any boundaries. I will treat the child as how I treat any child and I will provide my discipline. Children learn the boundaries you set for them and they need them. What I do not want to do is to override his parents. Afterall, they are the final authority to the child, and have to face any consequences or misbehaviors when I am gone.
So, how dare you say that I do not care? I would like to hear you say that to my face. If you have noticed when I play with your child that I give him my full attention, you would not have said that and that idea should not have even crossed your mind. It shows that you do not really know what kind of person I am.