While in line at Coffee Bean yesterday, I read the horoscope for Scorpio on their media system. It said:
Holding back emotions appears like you are keeping secrets. Spill the beans.
It got me thinking. As a Scorpio, I naturally keep things to myself. I have always been aware of it and my parents had pointed it out more than once when I was a teenager. They have said that they never knew what I was thinking about and I keep to myself a lot. I suppose I wished that they would ask me if everything was alright and I would then tell them about what is going on in my head.
Most of the time, I choose not to share every little detail of my soul with others. You see, everyone already has plenty to worry about, which I deduced from the number of times I have listened to them venting about different issues. So, why burden them with my troubles unless absolutely necessary? I feel like others need to be heard more than they have capacity for sharing the burden of other people’s problems. As a result, I believe that I have become a good listener over the years.
Having said that, I have also come to realize, in recent years, the importance of venting or expressing my emotions more directly. Keeping it in check at all times actually takes a lot of energy and focus. However, I have experienced moments of hysterics (a result of a past relationship issue), which left me feeling utterly ashamed of how desperate I had become, that I made myself put more effort into keeping my emotions in check. Throughout that particular period of time, I found out that most people do not want to hear about my troubles — and most definitely not over and over again. But if you have had any horridly bad experience, you will know that it takes some time of talking it through with others to finally either accept it or let it go.
I have to admit that it feels very liberating to find someone willing to listen. It gives you a sense of being understood and valued as a close friend. As humans, this is how we bond with one another. Although I still find it necessary to monitor and censor my emotions (and continue to improve my emotional intelligence), I am learning to open up more, especially to people I care about and to those who care about me. I am definitely not trying to be secretive or hold anything against anyone, I just do not readily voice all of my thoughts and opinions. I just hope that my friends and family, and all the people who matter in my life, have the patience to let me get used this at my own pace.
Spilling the beans to them is to let them understand who I am and where I am coming from. It does not come easily to me, so I am working very hard at it.
What kind of personality do you have? Do you, like me, keep everything in? Or are you able to articulate your feelings in real-time? I want to know. Spill!