All my life, I have been compared to others — my sister, classmates, ex-girlfriends, other people’s wives or sisters, etc. They say to me “can’t you be more like so-and-so?” or tell me that I need to do this-and-this like so-and-so does, or imply that so-and-so does this and is the best way to go. As a result, I never feel confident “being myself”. I always feel the need to compare against other people and do what others do.
Fast forward to motherhood and this transforms into immense anxiety and uncertainty at a stage where everything is new and uncertain. I kept asking people what they have done with their babies, and search through blogs and the internet to see what moms out there have done. The Babycenter community forums and Google have become my mentor and best friend. My mind is filled with doubt and questions, and I cannot trust that what my motherly instincts tell me is the right way to go.

Finally, it dawned on me that I should not worry too much about what other people do and just mother the way I do already! The fog slowly lifted.

I realized that I want Baby D to have a different experience growing up. I want him to know that he is not necessarily worse (or better) than others. He is his own unique self. He should be allowed to feel accomplished doing things the way he does. My function as Mommy is to…

  • Encourage and motivate him to better himself.
  • Allow him to go at his own pace.
  • Assist him whenever necessary.
  • Guide him through obstacles (not doing thing FOR him).
  • Praise him when he makes big achievements.

Positive reinforcement is always the way to go.

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{Final Thought} Of course, there is always room for improvement. Promoting improvement should be in the form of encouragement, not by pointing out that someones else is doing something better. It is very passive aggressive, if you ask me. (Which, come to think of it, I am… see where I got that from?!)

Do you have any additions to this life lesson?