I was brought up on formula. I am still alive.

Some of “them” would have you believe that “truth” though.

The corporations that manufacture the formula might be evil, but the formula itself is harmless. It is actually lifesaving and nurturing, if you are feeding your baby with it (or was fed it when you were a baby).

It is a scary thing though, for a breastfeeding mother like me.

It has nothing to do with the formula and everything to do with me.

Many, many, many nights, I sat contemplating adding formula to feed my baby. Pondering how exactly I should go about it. And started mentally outline the steps to take.

But, the next day, I chickened out.

'I feed my baby!'

Adding formula might mean the death of my milk supply, which has always been fickle. It drops at the sight of a sick person in the room, or if I got too busy to drink enough water, or when a certain relative came to visit.

Adding formula might mean that I will have to start weaning, and this is an eggshell subject for me. The emotional investment I have made means that I cannot easily come to terms with this. “WE”, I say, are just not ready to wean.

I am stubborn. I would rather put in the extra work of pumping before bed and chug water like I swim in it, than to implement my mental plan.

Knowing people who have breastfed for at least a year gives me hope, but it also makes me feel that I have to at least meet that “requirement” to fit in, to be as good as some people, or to be a “successful” mother.

Adding formula might mean that a lot of things will be easier. I will know how much the baby is eating, he might sleep longer at night, the pump can be packed away, and I can get my body back. But I cannot do it.

So, yes, I fear formula, but it is not poison.

Join the “I Support You” movement! We all Love-Feed our babies — there is no difference if you choose to formula feed or breastfeed. Tell me how YOU choose to feed your baby.